Not a hardcore negotiator? No problem. Here’s how to make emotions work for you.
My father was a hardcore negotiator–the kind that used car salesmen actually feared. Not me. For years, I cringed in similar situations. I was a peacemaker by nature–to a fault. Afraid to push too much for fear of losing out altogether, I often settled…and ended up with the short end of the stick. But that changed when I started studying successful negotiators. In time, I realized that the ability to understand emotions and use them to work for me, also known as emotional intelligence (EI or EQ), could be valuable at the negotiating table. Chris Voss, founder and CEO of The Black Swan Group and author of Never Split the Difference, is a former lead international kidnapping negotiator for the FBI. In a recent piece for TIME, Voss detailed a few of his strategies for winning negotiations. As he explains, the traditional advice to show “a poker face” and keep emotions out of the negotiating room is completely wrong.